Alien 5

10 Feb 07

I woke in the night, feeling a buzzing/vibrating and seeing this symbol (that I have roughly sketched)...



burned into my vision, so that no matter where I looked I saw it. The symbol scared me and reminded me of a spider. I noticed that if I held my sight still, the symbol intensified. I didn't like the fear so I forced myself into full stark consciousness.

I fell back to sleep and later woke at 3:00 a.m. I had been having alien experiences all night. They seemed not quite dream like and I remembered themes and ideas rather than a story line. My memory of what the aliens looked like was a bit clearer in overall picture than ever before. I still have not seen one in great detail, due to shock and fear, I think. The ideas I came away with were: there are more than one type of alien (multiple types). I remember being in my kitchen with them, looking just as it does and at night time, as it was. During this meeting I learned that the alien types are at odds. I want to say "war", but I don't think it is like our type of war with killing. Their main interest, even over their war, is studying us.

I have a recollection that last night an alien provided me with a scenario/experience (something to do with my sister) and then asked how it made me feel and what I would do. My answer was of importance to them and appeared above my head as a symbol. I just realized...this was the symbol I saw when I woke! And maybe this symbol equates to the response I gave of insecurity/fear as a result of the scenario they gave me. Perhaps that is why the symbol itself scared me, because it is my symbol for fear.

Later in the afternoon I browsed through some of my alien books. I anxiously await some new ones I ordered last week and my interest remains piqued. I noticed a passage in Mack's book (page 40) that may relate to my experience last night:

"Some abductees receive information of battles for the fate of the earth and the control of human mind, between two or more groups of beings, some of which are more evolved or 'good', while others are less evolved or 'evil'."

12 Feb 07

I watched a DVD I bought months and months ago called "Oz Encounters" about UFO and alien abduction experiences in Australia.

I never watched the whole thing for some reason, and today I felt compelled to watch it through. I found it wonderful and fascinating. But strangely it triggered in me this strong, very realistic, vivid thought of an alien scenario where I heard this deep base-like music accompanied by a loud buzzing noise, and where the aliens entered as if from another dimension and came walking toward me. I felt utterly petrified. The scenario was intensely realistic for what started as a mere passing thought, that it made me not want to watch any more videos or read any more books on alien-related material at least for the day. Instead I felt compelled to replay and relive the scenario over and over in my mind, as terrifying as it was, in a compulsive attempt to desensitize myself.

14 Feb 07

I woke up on and off just before 1:00 a.m. knowing that my teacher, an alien, was coming for me and I could choose to remain conscious for his arrival if I wanted. I could hear/sense a buzzing in the atmosphere that I felt probably related to the change of consciousness required. I felt the teacher was a male, a classic grey type, and wore a red body suit. I also felt that we were having a conversation as I drifted in and out of sleep. I remember thinking, Yes, I know I consented to this (teaching arrangement). And, Yes, I understand (to various questions like this). And then, No I'm not ready to be conscious for this process. Yes, I am sure I don't want to be conscious.

I knew this was a sincere offer from him based on my intense interest of late. I also knew that this alien taught a small group of people at once--a class--and I saw us represented in a 3-D symbol as a rectangle beneath/in front of him.

15 Feb 07

For the last two days I been receiving the Queen lyrics, "Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see!" Yesterday I laid on the trampoline and looked up at the sky. After about 10 minutes, for the flash of a second, I saw a coloured light appear like an eye that winked open. It jolted me at that moment, but as time passed, I could no longer be sure if I saw anything. Good old doubt.

20 Feb 07

I know I had extensive communication with aliens last night. I brought through vague images of them which smacked of the stereotypically unemotional greys. The only bits I can remember now (verbatim) are "biodiversity" (like their job is to ensure biodiversity) and "cesspool of lies" (which I think means the truth of their intentions is mired in lies from so many people's perspectives). Then I got these words just as I was getting up, as if said by me, "I escaped for her," (and I think of "her" as an alien woman). I can't explain what it means.

23 Feb 07

I remembered symbols above my head (burned into my mind) upon two periods of waking this morning. One looked like a bunch of grapes. And the other looked like a messy loop of string.

                    


I dreamed of miscarriage, probably due to reading "Raechel's Eyes" a purportedly true story about an alien hybrid that tried to integrate into society. In the book the human author tells of multiple miscarriages. This probably triggered the dream. But I did have 8 failed pregnancies between 1996 and 1999 before I successfully gave birth to my son. One of the 8 pregnancies was an ectopic that burst my fallopian tube. Most of the miscarriages occurred within the first month of pregnancy and because I am so sensitive to the slightest changes in my body, I would be aware within days of conception. I usually passed fibrous tissue, but one time an entire empty sac emerged which I had sent to pathology. The sac broke down completely by the time it arrived and they said it contained no fetal tissues, only blood. Another time I saw my OBGYN to verify my pregnancy. When I returned for my 3 month checkup, my pregnancy symptoms had diminished and my test was negative. The doctor told me the pregnancy had reabsorbed back into my body. And maybe it did.

I am not sure what to conclude about alien hybrid implantation possibilities. I want to think I had such an exciting explanation for all the troubles I experienced. I also like to think I am helpful and involved in something so powerful as creating other lives elsewhere.

24 Feb 07

This evening while looking through my red sunset photos for spirits, I saw what I thought were two classic saucer-type UFOs hovering above the neighbour's roof.

The realization shocked me so much that my stomach suddenly felt full of butterflies and it was as if the bottom dropped out of my reality! As my shock abated some, I opened the next photo in sequence to see if I had taken another shot of this area, and I had. The saucers were still there! And then I checked the photo after that, which was of the same spot, but different angle, and I realized that the saucers were actually the top of a telephone pole in the distance. But, by this time I had come to terms with the exhilarating yet terrifying knowledge that my alien encounters were more concrete than I had thought! And even after realizing it was just a telephone pole, I still believe it to be no coincidence that I experienced this illusion. Indeed I do think it is part of an ongoing systematic desensitization process that is occurring so that I can overcome my fear for fuller conscious exploration of "alien" reality.

Another such experience happened about a month ago when my husband, my son, and I walked outside at dusk to watch the bats that fly overhead at this time of evening. Through a wall of trees out east I saw a large brightly lit object of purple and orange floating behind. I immediately plunged into a feeling of surreality as I quickly recalled the countless colourful UFO simulations I had seen on film. As the object moved in and out of partial view, I noticed it also had scrolling yellow lights. I felt utter shock and grabbed my husband by the shirt. I pointed out east as I was speechless. I could feel my husband's sense of awe and apprehension rising as we watched the lights slowly emerge momentarily into a clearing to reveal a spectacular rainbow blimp (I have never seen such a thing before) with yellow lights scrolling across its ticker sign. Within one second it was behind the trees again as if the whole thing had been a complete illusion anyway. And try as I might, I could not see it anymore and did not see it again. I felt the same mixed disappointment and relief that it was not a UFO. Although then, as now, I felt it was no coincidence that I THOUGHT it was a spaceship and was able to experience my strong reaction and desensitise myself a bit. And in retrospect, I'm not even sure what it was, blimp or UFO.

25 Feb 07

As I lay in bed this morning with my son while he watched Mickey Mouse on TV, I dozed off for a few minutes. In my mind I saw a circular emblem like a patch you would sew onto clothes. The circle contained an alien that resembled the movie character E.T., and he was the same browny-taupe colour. In the vision I was patting the patch with my fingers and feeling love toward the image -- a similar love as I feel toward my son and I was repeating, "Precious, precious".

Inside the circle was a very pale blue colour that was almost white. It was tangible to me in my vision and felt like it symbolized unconditional love. The yellow around the emblem would have had some significance, too, but I do not remember.

01 Mar 07

My son has been very sick with the flu since Sunday. I could feel the virus was in me the whole time, but it finally took full force today. My temperature went crazy and I felt freezing cold despite the high heat and humidity. I felt racked with pain. I ran a hot bath and plunged in. I cried a bit and said, "Okay, okay! What is going on? Why am I so sick?" By now I know when I am sick it means a major life lesson is at hand.

As I lay in the water trying to get warm, I saw wolf faces and wolf-men faces everywhere in the green leafy wallpaper and even in the reflective surfaces of the shower glass and the mirrors. I began free-association to find an answer. The first image I saw in my mind was a cardboard tube. I said "roll", then "tube", then "tunnel", then "the eye in the tunnel!" The alien eye in the tunnel that I saw (16 July 06). I asked, "What about the alien eye?" I answered, "It scares me!" I asked, "Why does it scare you?" I answered, "Because he controls me. He pushes me, he makes it hard and scary!"

I felt this went back to my childhood and was related to when I would say to my mom as a toddler, "I'm scared of the man in the moon." I thought, "He has been taking me. Why? Why is he making it scary?" Then I knew why...he is teaching me. He is creating adversity scenarios for me to overcome. I am in training to become a master of my emotions.

Just then I saw an eye in the wallpaper. It was my Dad's eye. It was just exactly like his eye. His face was wolf though. I burst into sobs as I suddenly knew he was here for me in this life to bring me strength. To show me strength. And I understood my mom's role in my life, too. And I further realized that my son is also a teacher in my life, and that he bears the burden of mirroring my fear, pain and joy to me so I can see.

Faces appeared constantly for me and all of the eyes were on me. I felt very comfortable with them there though I still felt freezing cold and full of pain. I even ended up seeing a lizard face, and I have come to believe that these are even the more ascended masters amongst my wolf and alien teachers.

As I lay there shivering more notions and ideas were unfurled for me. I realized in even more detail that I am here to learn mastery of emotions. To act on feeling and will rather than on emotion. Success is to float on top of will (the dragons) as they flow beneath me. Emotion is when I submerge into the dragon, no longer floating. And fear is when I paddle against the dragon. It made such perfect sense to me! But what about desire, I wondered? Is it okay to desire? But then I remembered that to desire is to aim and try to control, and this is not floating and flowing atop "will", it is trying to steer. It is not living in the moment, it is living in the future. It is the opposite of fear which is living in the past, yet both are the same as they are going against the flow. Desire and fear are emotions, and emotions are to be mastered. FEELING is to be followed and this is not the same as emotion.

I was very excited and happy to be receiving this lesson and these answers. My temperature was normalizing and I thought I should get out of the bath. But then I thought, "Why should I get out of the bath? Is it a desire to get out, is it my will to get out?" I realized that I was weak and tired and that I really wanted to just relax. The only reason I had thought to get out was because I intellectually felt I should get up and do something useful. And that would be an example of fear (fear I should do something -be busy- rather than relax) and not going with the flow, so I slid back down into the water and realized, "This is what it feels like to be moving along with my will, floating on top of the dragon and living in the moment." It was nice. It was obeying my feelings rather than my preprogrammed messages to keep productive. This allowed me more time to ponder and receive.

My lessons put into perspective for me why I have distanced myself from others. It is because I am learning to withdraw from my habit in relationships of people-pleasing, acting out of fear, and abandoning my will to follow the will of others in hopes of finding love and acceptance.

02 Mar 07

Upon one of my many cold-sweaty awakenings in the night, I received a message something like "You are having full encounters, even though they seem short." I felt this was referring to alien encounters, or with my other realities.

I'm recording this after waking at 3:00 a.m. My alien/teacher worked with me in the night. I was still feeling very ill and I fell asleep after midnight. I could already sense the work was being done on me before I fell asleep because I felt the patting of tiny hands along my body. Then I felt a pressure being applied behind my left knee and another spot or two, like some sort of acupressure, in an attempt to help clear my nose. And then I practised being fully conscious of the fact that my teacher was present as I vacillated between sleep and waking. He kept prompting me to wake up and be conscious whenever I would drift into sleep. At one point I felt like falling back to sleep and I got a tiny pain in my left breast. It was just enough discomfort to wake me up and keep me conscious and I knew he was doing this to push me to stay conscious. I even smiled with the knowledge that this pain was intentional, good-intentional. And once I became fully conscious, the pain would vanish. I acknowledged my fear throughout the experience, but I was not terrified. We both understood that this was going to take practice and is all part of the learning process.

My teacher wanted me to put a certain friendship behind me and to practice doing so through visualization. This was the next step in our lessons and my progress. I completely concurred with all I perceived from my teacher. I could see that I was still concerned with what my friend thought of me. And this was a good example of the inappropriate responsibility that I take regarding other people's feelings that do not belong to me. Even now I find it difficult to justify that I am NOT responsible for people's feelings.

I see more clearly what I have always known about myself...I take on responsibility and guilt for so much so often and without justifiable cause, and it is perpetuating my unhappiness and misery. Through the entire session while my guide was helping me, even though he seemed to keep prodding me to wake and it all felt like a bunch of work and I wanted to sleep instead, I somehow truly understood he was benefiting me and I was appreciative. I even kept cracking a tiny smile at the irony and humour I was perceiving.

My session ended at the usual time of around 3:00 a.m.

04 Mar 07

I tossed and turned all night, a hundred times, unable to achieve a comfortable body temperature, coughing up phlegm (blasted flu!) and feeling my aliens were around me, observing me. I tried to see them but I could only get fleeting glimpses of them in my mind's eye, such as the tops of their head, or just the ridges around their eyes, or just their faint outline. As I would hone in, they would disappear and I would awaken. I wonder how I got any sleep at all and yet I somehow feel refreshed.

I dreamed I went back home to the U.S. The time and date was chosen randomly and yet I kept running into everyone I knew and wanted to see. It was magical and as if I could not fail at fulfilment. I walked into a grocery store and saw my old best friend from behind. She turned as if sensing me. She looked as she had at her best, dressed in her favourite earthy-coloured clothes with long auburn hair. She seemed so open, innocent, and delighted to see me. Everyone I met looked so sweet and gentle, their faces and eyes round and child-like.

Thinking of this now it is reminding me of the "precious" circular alien symbol. Is this what we all are inside really?

I began to tell my friend about my marvellous life overseas and how, magically, everyone important moved there with me. All the people I worked with, my dad, and others (only in this dream scenario of course). I reflected on how when I first arrived all I did was drink alcohol and nurse my saddened self, but that I quickly received therapy from a loving, intimate environment with everyone that surrounded me. And I began to heal so much, and now I was becoming whole. I felt such love for everyone including her. And both countries I had lived in seemed merged into one place (and always had been).

My dad walked up just then. He looked much as he really does only taller with perfect, smooth, golden brown skin, and crystal clear features. He glared down at my friend, which made me feel a little uncomfortable for her, but I also appreciated that he was protective of me and not pleased with her for having abandoned me when I needed her friendship. So I let him project his disappointment for a few moments then I eased the tension. All was happy and everything and everyone that I cared about was around me.

I did not realize the impact of this dream until I began typing it in. No wonder I feel refreshed. My worlds integrated in this dream and everyone was at their best. They all looked so smooth, youthful, powerful, kind, and all were supportive of me. I cried as I typed in the part about my dad, reliving the strength, love and support I felt from his character in my dream.

Interestingly, last night right before bed, I had pointed out a large roach that had gotten into the house and was climbing the wall. This triggered my husband to mention to me that he had just seen a huge ant in the kitchen. He said it was the biggest ant he had ever seen. This seemed very odd to me. I asked how big and he indicated 3 cm long. He said it was looking at him like a preying mantis would, turning its head to watch him. I had never seen a huge ant in the house before and this began seeming even stranger, and since my husband has had the flu like I have, I asked him if he was sure he wasn't hallucinating. He said he wasn't. I asked what happened next, worried the ant was still in the house, and he said that when he approached it, it ran away as if it was scared he would try to kill it.

I told my husband that seeing an abnormally large, strange insect (or strange wildlife) sounded similar to visual screens created by aliens. He definitely didn't like the direction of the conversation, nor all the focus that I was putting on it, so I dropped the subject. However, this morning I asked him to show me where he saw the ant. He indicated by the refrigerator, and that he was sitting at the kitchen table at the time. That is a distance of 3 metres! I said incredulously, "You saw an ant from 3 metres away and could see him looking back at you, moving his head to watch you?" He began seeming unsure of his story and started down-playing it. I could see he didn't want to analyse it in-depth like I did, so I let it go. But I did ask him what colour it was and he said a dark colour.

I feel more certain than not that this was an alien screen. It just defies logic and the whole thing is certainly out of character for my husband who is usually focused solely on his own little world of science and computers. He rarely notices anything else unless it is right on top of him. I'm the bug spotter and have a hard time getting him to even see bugs when I specifically point them out. Perhaps being sick and run down as he was, his perceptions were more open and he saw something alien that had to be screened so his consciousness could handle it. Just my current thought.

Later this afternoon as I walked past the dining room window, I heard a loud thump and saw that a bird had flown into it and knocked himself out on the lawn below. Several noisy mynahs were screaming and poking at him. I ran outside and carefully picked up the very dazed bird. I held him for a while wondering what to do with him. He was still alive, but I didn't know if he was fatally injured. I sat on the porch steps and held him against my chest. I tried to visualize him healing, but I felt out of my depths. He crawled a bit higher up toward my neck, but he was very shocked. I got a box and plucked some grass to pad it a bit. It was an extremely hot and humid day. I set the box up on a table outside in the shade and checked back on the bird every so often. Only one eye seemed to be working properly and at one point it was wide open and I thought he'd died. But when I went to touch him he opened his beak and spread his wings in defence. One final check on him and a prod irritated him enough to send him flying off. I was so happy he lived.

The interesting thing about this experience was the way I felt. I was cuddling the bird trying to comfort him, but in the end, he was afraid of me. I knew I was trying to help the bird, but the bird could not be sure of my intentions. It reminded me of the human-alien connection and felt like an intentional lesson. This scenario is really haunting me for some reason. And I might add that the bird was a type I have never seen before, and I watch birds frequently. It looked like a miniature hawk. Very strange.

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